Aaayyy! Whut it is...shit I kno it's been a good ass minute fo I even checked my Xanga let alone got on an put a new entry in this bitch, but since it's tha New Year ima make an exception. Shit I must say tha dispite how much I do like to go out an party I thought my New Years Eve was gonna be absolute bunk, but luckily enough my nigga B.G. hit me up talkin bout a party...sadly my homeboy Marcus couldn't make it to tha shit, but we already knew we jus had to do it big enough fo tha both of us. Had mi carnal Alex come an meet up at my crib then went crusin through till we got to this one party at Richardson which was straight...until tha cops shut tha bitch down too...then we moved on back to Addison to regroup an were able to find anotha party down in Carrollton...shit was straight until tha cops shut tha hoe down too. So I took tha initiative...I called up some late night connects...an luckily...LUCKILY! There was this one last stand party goin on in Harry Hines... so I consulted an conferred wit my peoples an we started movin fo tha South. Got there an it was straight away slowly dying...so Gizzle an I had to breath life into tha mofucka an sho nuff...got it some what poppin. Music was EXTREMELY bunk an tha people were already gettin buzzed...hit tha jukebox...put some of tha Jeezy an Joc an viola...hit some pool...earned some bills...hit tha dice...earned some bills...shit, might as well get some bread on tha table. An I wanna take this time out to say tha B.G. sucks at pool...played three games an this nigga did...I repeat...DID NOT win one, lol...even had a four point ball lead an I still made tha comeback. Had my first shot's of Tequila too, lol. Took one fo a New Years toast...then anotha jus fo alil heat down my throat...Damn...shit made a volcano trail down my throat. A while after tha music settled threw tha shawdies started movin round an I must say had attention on them. An ya'll kno me...how can I not turn heads? Shit...D-TownZ FinesT baby...movin fo tha South, D-Town. So after tha music turns back to stupid shit my boi Alex starts downin like six shots an three beers I figure...hell naw time to watch his actions...shit. Nigga kept fuckin wit me an B.Gs. game...then started talkin to sum other drunk muthafucka...an started singin to a damn ranchero song...shit was funny...hope Marcus enjoys tha footage on my phone cuz I kno Gizzle an I did...shit had us rollin. So we made a pit stop at Jack N Box...dropped B.G. off at his crib...an ere we are...I'm typin...this nigga is findin my PS2 as one of tha ninth wonders of tha world...an yea tha sums up tha highlights of my night. So without takin anymore of my time up on this ima go ahead an holla...stay up ya'll, be easy. Deuces.

                                                                   Sincerely & Flyly,

                             D-TownZ FinesT

Well...this will be one of the longest blogs I've ever done that's not even a poem...so let's start this an try to keep it short?...Yea right. Alright...*takes breath*I think it's funny how people bare their souls on these blogs..honestly...I mean here I am saying I would never bare my personal thoughts on this shit...mainly cause it's like crying out for help, but...it does help sometimes to vent so I look at it as venting, but I kinda still feel lika hypocrite for venting on this net journal crap, but..it does help so...why not...who reads this anyways, lol. Ummm let's see...well to start things off...my grandfather died today...today being 12/28/05...an before I start...I just have to say...that it crushed me..it really did..sitting, standing, and waiting there....watchin him change from what he used to be to what he became due to this sickness...this cursed cancer...to watch him get eaten up by...a cancer...it broke my heart to see him, but never would I let that stop me from seeing him...as I have said before an I'll say again...my family is my blood...and I mean that to the fullest and I have more to say on that subject, but I'll get to that ina min...patientce kidds. Ummm..so it really did break me down...to see my grandfather liked that...it really did...I mean I kno I'm not as close to him as I am with my mothers parents, but...I spent every summer with him until highschool basically...and I spent every sunday with him as well weekands too sometimes an...I held him close none the less...I loved him...he was my grandfather and even with all his faults an past wrongs I love him. I love my grandfather Alfredo Cardenas. Plus I do acknowledge that he's in a better place and that he's no longer suffering. 

With that said I realized something...which I said earlier...my family is my blood...an somtimes with my friends I hear tha shit they go through an it...amazes me, because...never would I call my mother a "whore" or any names like that...I may get mad, but...honestly...this woman gave birth to me...she bore me, nurtured me, raised me, and loved me...an I kno I can be a pain in the ass somtimes with my arrogance among many other faults...yet she would never see my faults and for that I love her...I respect and cherish her. Now for my father...this man...would move worlds for me...and fight a universe if just to ensure I live for another five mins...he would not even hesitate to raise up for me even if I'm wrong...this is my father...he worked his ass off just so I could have many of the useless benefits today which I do value...I mean I see people want so much...after they've gotten enough and it facinates me that they merely see them as a means of getting them...I dunno...to me my family is...my family they're my blood..when they bleed I bleed...that goes for my cousins as well...mainly Alex and Jeremy...to me you're not my cousins...your my brothers...I feel that ya'll have been there more than others and I cherish you as well...most of all I respect and value how you've accepted me through all my changes and this is just a small thank you to the eternal loyalty you'll have of me.

So to go along with the venting let me get this off of my chest as well..I kno that in my past I dressed as a goth an that I mainly wore Hott Topic, Tripp, and Vioware...items an such as well as eyeliner...seldomly, and black nail polish. Then around sophmore I traded in my army boots in for my first pair of Reebok Casual G-Unit shoes...lol. switched the fishnet for a body shirt an the black body shirt for a regular T-shirt, lol...an I do realize the change people...I'm not stupid an do look in the mirror. So let me explain something...on the more realistic side...nobody will hire you if you wear black nail polish, trench coats, an chains...ok? So it was time to grow up ok? An it worked I got my job so for those who hate...do it in your own broke as a joke time ok? Ona more personal note...I changed cause well...the crowd was shitty...full of lyin lil punks...so eh..they were more interested in being popular an startin rumors to create drama...not me..an so I changed for the somewhat better...it's not so much the crowd I was in, but now do I realized that Carrollton people are weak...if they did shit they do here in my old neighborhood...damn...casualty rate would escalate. The way I talk now is diff cause I hung around diff people...oh well. I was glad I changed, because it really helped me find out who really are my friends ya kno? An for those who accepted me none the less you do have my appreciation as well as my respect. For those who didn't...shit fuck ya'll.

Now for the more current events...Sandra...you lied to me thrice already...you're tellin me...or told me how you loved me...completely and wanted only me an that you'd try day an night over an over again just to even have me as a friend let alone as anything more...that you felt ashamed to even admit that you loved me due to how you hurt me...you're right...you should feel ashamed, because I see you as lying...as full of shit. You want to tell me you want only me...yet...you go with Luis? I mean I understand you don't just stop your life for anybody...then again if I was your love as you put it...since you were or are in "love" with me...let me put it this way...you don't just stop or quit on those you love...no matter what. It's plain an simple like that...if you love somebody with your heart fully an honestly you fight...you fight and fight an do not even stop. I test people...I tell them whenever they hurt or break my trust...that they'll have to earn it back...an by that I test them...they'll try an I'll resist to see if they will keep trying...you didn't...you did try, but not enough for fuckin up a third time. I guess it's better this way for you. Being with someone who makes you happy and this time we'll see how long it lasts...actually you will, because I really don't see me as part of your life anymore...you made sure I was out of it the moment you betrayed me trust...either way...good luck to you. What you do now is of your own accord an freedom of choice an such. You certainly an obviously kno my cell, where I live, my Myspace, Xanga, and AIM as well as Yahoo SN...so do what you will.

As for Caryn...the same goes for you...I believe in second chances and to be honest I do miss you, but I don't feel the same for you...you told me you'd beg me on your knees if I simply asked...or if you even thought it'd help...you then also told me that if it would even persuade me the slightest you'd tell Ricky to get the hell outta your life...all I asked was for you too keep trying...to fight to win me over again an just like Sandra you tried for a while then I guess either you got tired of trying or just lost interest, but you stopped as well and I'm no hardass I can be real...an ona real note I do miss you, but how can you...how could you tell me you love me with all your heart and want only me, yet...you played me...I honestly don't kno wether to believe Ricky on this subject of who's tellin the truth, but I know that I don't trust you period with what you did with Jesus...that hurt me Caryn...you don't tell someone you love them then do something to hurt them. I mean in all honesty you had me doubting myself...and starting to believe what you were saying and I was honestly fallin for you gurl...you already had me caring for you pretty deeply..you made me feel as if I was above any other guy when apperantly I'm just another guy...I really wish I could have made you happy...I thought I did, but I was wrong an for that I am sorry. Don't get me twisted though...you did do me wrong and I won't give in easily on giving you a second chance. You, just like Sandra...kno my number...my location...and many various forms of communication...the call's yours.

Mmm almost done, lol...bear with me here kiddies, lol. As for something completely personal...I am in love with someone who doesn't love me back and honestly I am at peace with that...I completely love this girl and I kno that she doesn't love me back and won't love or even feel for me in any other way than as a friend for a long ass time, but I accept it...I love her and I'd risk my life if just to make her smile for second. I am really at peace with it somewhat...you can't always have what you want so...I understand why she may not love me back for a while or even at all...I understand and accept it fully. Regardless of my feelings I just want her to kno that she is always in my heart...always. This gurl I would seriously move worlds for...I'd fight the world an then some jus to keep her safe...there's nobody that tops her in anyway...she is my heartbeat and what makes my day that much more vibrant...none the less though I will try my best to keep my self at peace...there...that's about all I had on my chest...maybe sometime soon I'll post a poem or something...until then I'll leave saying this...I love you PoPo...you helped make me into who I am today an I only hope that what I am and who I am now is making you an "Mom" proud...I miss you and I kno I didn't make as much time as I should with you...I didn't try to make more time for you, but...I do an will miss you and I do love you. I love you Grandpa...give grandma a kiss for me...Deuces Ya'll...